Pet Me Once
by kiss.pink
Summary: After constantly being told that he'd die alone with just a cat to mourn him, Natsu wasn't exactly surprised when his friends left one on his doorstep as a stupid joke. It's only when the cat suddenly transformed into a really hot, busty blonde who couldn't seem to understand the concept of personal space that Natsu had to do a double take. "Nyaaatsu, pet me once " God help him!
1. Begin by TVXQ

**_Disclaimer_**— I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United Fandoms of Fanfiction. And to the lawyers for which law stands: one franchise, I'm under oath with a lack of invisibility...with...wait...— okay, I don't own Fairy Tail or any of the characters included in said anime-package. Please, don't sue me...

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><p><em>forever alone with no girl to own<em>

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_._

"With how non-existent Natsu's love life is now, I'm sure his future wife will be a cat," Gray guffawed, tipping his head back in laughter as he took another swig of alcohol. The group of men around him nodded in agreement, garggling their own drinks as they attempted to smother their endless chuckles. "I mean look at him. I invited every single one of our female co-workers and he hasn't spoken a word to _any_ of them."

Loke looked completely baffled at Gray's words, reering his head back in disbelief and ultimate second-hand embarassment. "I'd be brain dead before I'd ever ignore a woman. And doesn't Lisanna have a...a..." he rolled his eyes, trying to come up with the right word. "a _thing_ for him?"

"I know right!" Gray exclaimed. He pointed over to the corner where Natsu stood alone, sulking. "Look at him! Does he know how sexy he is?" Gray earned himself a few awkward looks but he ignored them, too angered to filter his words. "As a man, I am totally disgusted that he doesn't properly use his charms. Lisanna has been crushing over him for almost a year and that oblivious ash-for-brains—"

"Gee, not so loud, Fullbuster. I might hear you," Natsu scoffed from across the room. He pushed away from the wall and strolled over to the couch where Gray and his other friends sat. He crossed his arms before them, eyes narrowing as he looked down at the group of gossiping men. "Learn to control your volume, popsicle face. My apartment isn't as big as you think."

Gray gasped in mock surprise, hand over his heart as he squealed, "congratulations, Dragneel. You're not deaf!"

"Why, you—"

Sensing the oncoming tension, Alzack cleared his throat, quickly claiming Natsu's attention. "Uh...hey, birthday boy! Didn't see you over there!"

"Of course you didn't," Natsu snorted. "Look guys. This has been fun and all— you grouping together to talk behind my back for hours instead of celebrating my birthday —but it's getting late and I have work in five hours. I need you all to get out."

As soon as he moved, all eyes were on the man of the hour who hadn't spoken a word since they all forced their way into his home. He nudged his head towards the front door. "Yeah. I mean now."

"Come on, Natsu. Let's have a little more fun. I wanted to sing 'happy birthday' for you," Lisanna whined, walking up behind him and grabbing onto his wrist. She pouted, fluttering her eyeslashes as she swung their hands back and forth. "I also have a..._surprise _for you."

Natsu shook her off of him, eyebrows scrunched together. "Lisanna, I can just accept your surprise gift at work. But really...how much did you drink?"

"Oh, for the love of—" Gray slammed his now empty bottle onto a nearby coffee table, almost breaking it as he let out an exasperated sigh. "I can't take this! Did you hear him, Loke? _He can accept her gift at work_?! Either he's suddenly really kinky or he has no idea what the hell this poor, frustrated girl is talking about!"

Loke frowned, standing before placing his hand on Gray's shoulder. "Although it's really none of my business...Natsu, I must say, your _virgin-ness_ is evident."

"G-guys, it's okay. You're embarassing me," Lisanna squeaked, face red from both shyness and drunkeness. She covered her face with her palms, inching away from Natsu when he gave her a long confused look.

Gray payed her words no mind. "Natsu, as your best friend of thirteen years, I can shamelessly say that I want to kill you. I know I don't normally give gifts..." actually, he never gave gifts. Not even to his mother. "but this time, I'm willing to make an exception. Stay home from work today. Your gift will be on your doorstep by twelve. I can't even look at you right now. Good bye. Gray out."

That had been six hours ago, back before the sun shined through his bedroom window where he waited for the "special delivery" Gray had forced him to accept. He had spent most of those hours cleaning the house where what felt like his entire office left a complete mess. Half-empty bottles, questionable stains in his carpet, a few cracked picture frames and— dammit, they had used up all of his toilet paper.

It was the expensive kind, too...ugh.

"I knew I shouldn't have let them in," Natsu grumbled to himself, dusting off his sleeveless tank as he made his way to his bedroom where he last left his phone and wallet. Rushing through the house to find his valuables, he readied himself to make a quick run to grocery store down the street for some much-needed house supplies.

His twenty-third birthday party had been the humilating, awkward mess he was sure it would be when Gray first mentioned throwing one. He wasn't one for drinking or socializing, but after raiding his apartment with their trunks of alcohol and boring conversations, he couldn't exactly avoid it. Gray had invitied people Natsu had never even spoken to before. For what, he had no idea. But whatever the reason, he was sure it was as intrusive and annoying as his best friend was.

Gray had always told him to get into a relationship, always attempting to send him on blind dates and introduce him to his many lonely cousins and friends. _Age doesn't matter_, he would say. _Neither does shape or size. As long as she's breathing and has a nice rack, she's a potential target_. Natsu rolled his eyes at the memory of Gray's drawn-out speech on the female species. He would never take advice from someone like Gray, a womanzier who hadn't had a steady relationship since birth. _It's why I can't stand you sometimes_, Gray once mentioned. _Girls flock around you all the time but you never give them to time of day. Meanwhile I have to struggle to get a freaking name!_

But whatever. Gray's so-called plight was none of his concern. Right now, his only concern was getting that toilet paper.

The clock struck twelve by the time Natsu found his wallet hidden under his bed and his phone under his pillow. Throwing on his coat and boots, Natsu was ready to face the cold winter breeze as he opened his front door only to be greeted with— "meow~" — a cat.

"Fullbuster..." Natsu growled the name, his tone dripping with anger. "you bastard!"

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_magical kittens and mutliated mittens_

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The toilet paper had been long forgotten.

Natsu was currently sitting on his recently cleaned couch, a pair of wide, honey-colored eyes staring at him without rest. They both had been like that for a good thrity minutes, just sitting and staring, neither species moving as they observed the other.

The cat was small, almost abnormally so. Natsu was sure it would be comfortable if he ever held it with both hands cupped together. _That's_ how small it was. Especially when compared to the size of its oddly-colored eyes. It's fur was a light brown, and for a possible stray, extremely shiny and soft. It mewled excitedly when he finally moved, inching his hand towards it and giving it a firm pat on the head. It nuzzled into his palm, purring.

"Sooo," Natsu drawled, continuing to pet it awkwardly. He never exactly had a pet before. "you're Gray's little surprise, huh? Y'know, if you weren't so cute, I would've called him to take you back already. But...I just might keep you."

The cat licked his fingers playfully, eyes glittering in what Natsu's supposed was happiness. It wagged its tail back and forth, watching as Natsu sighed, taking a stand from his position on the couch. "I still have to get that toilet paper," he thought aloud. "I could also get some stuff for you since I guess you're my new pet now. I can't exactly bring you with me, though. It's a bit too cold and you've suffered out their enough, right? I'll be back soon."

It hopped off of the coffee table where it had been sitting for a while, weaving through Natsu's legs as if to tell him not to go. It looked up at him, meowing loudly. "Uhhh, don't worry." Natsu felt like an idiot for actually trying to reassure a cat. "The grocery store sells some small pet stuff. I'll be home sooner than you think..." He looked the cat over, smiling. "Luigi."

When Natsu reached the grocery store he had been purchasing items from since he moved into town five years ago, he was quite shocked when he saw the fresh looking building had been replaced by a dingy old shop. It was..confusing. Very confusing. He was sure this was the place, the store only being a block or two from his apartment. Yet it looked _so_ different compared to the last time he had been there only a week before. Had a storm hit? Had some kids played a prank? He wasn't sure, but whatever it could possibly be, he had no time to think about it. Not when Luigi was back at home probably starving to death or worse...destroying his furniture with his curious claws.

He walked into the ominous store, bells ringing as the door closed behind him. An elderly woman stood in front of him before he could even take a single step further into the store, her eyes piercing as she looked him up and down. "You seek toilet paper and cat supplies?"

Not even giving him a chance to question how on Earth she knew something like that, she shoved two plastic bags into his arms. Natsu stumbled back in shock. "You also seek a woman. A weird combination of desires, boy."

"O-oh, um. What?"

"Don't even bother talking," the woman huffed, waving dismissively when he tried to speak. "What you seek, you shall recieve. It's all in the bags...now get out before I charge you for them!"

Natsu left without a word, more than happy to get the hell out of that creepy shop. He had never seen that employee before and he was sure she'd get fired within a week. With that _strange_ customer service, he couldn't see her lasting there even a _day_. But as Natsu looked inside the two bags that she gave him, one housing the glorious toilet paper that he loved and the other carrying a few cans of cat food, he really couldn't complain about being able to keep a few extra dollars. "These better not be expired..."

By the time Natsu got home, he knew his worst fears had come true. The curtains he had just scrubbed down were ripped into pieces. His table cloth now resembling a napkin and his carpet fuzzing over from being clawed at. _I wonder who did this?_ Natsu mused sarcastically, dropping his bags after pulling out a can of cat food. Watching enough internet videos to know that the sound of a can's lid being peeled back was enough to find the location of any cat, Natsu did just that to find the hiding animal known as Luigi.

As soon as he popped the lid off, Luigi sprinted into the living room, a torn glove between its teeth. "Ack! Those were my favorite!" Natsu screeched, he placed the can down in front of Luigi, snatching the abused glove from its mouth before it could be damaged any further. Though the deed was already done. Natsu whined in sadness. His glove was gone...and it would be missed.

Meanwhile, Luigi sniffed at the food, taking a lick before reeling its small head back in...disgust? Or was it shock? "Dammit, it _was_ expired. Sorry Luigi. I knew I shouldn't have trusted that stupid old—" A bright light interrupted his oncoming rant, blinding him as he covered his eyes. The sounds of Luigi's pained meows reached his ears as he struggled to see what was happening. "L-Luigi? Are you okay?"

The light had finally settled down after what felt like forever. He quickly looked for Luigi, hoping desperately that the poor cat wasn't harmed. A soft, light moan threw him off. _I don't remember cats sounding like that..._he thought, slowly looking down and into his lap where he felt a small nudge against his clothed skin. _I don't remeber cats looking like this either!_

In his lap...layed a girl. A girl he didn't remember ever meeting. And a girl he didn't remember ever inviting into his apartment. She was blonde, tan, not to mention _naked_...and she was staring at him through wide, honey-colored eyes.

"Meow~"

"Oh my god."

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(=･ω･=) **To Be Continued **(=･ω･=)

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><p><strong><em>Author's Note<em>**: Happy New Year, everyone! Gee, I haven't written/published a fanfic in a _while_. I feel gross and rusty, uck. But I'll try and get back into my groove sooner or later. If I don't...I'll probably drop this story like a rock, similar to how I dropped Secret Garden, haha...yeah. Anyways, thanks for reading and review if you wanna (especially if I have any spelling/grammar mistakes)! Part one of chapter two has already been written, so look out for that, folks~! Love you all!

_chu~_


	2. One Kiss by Jaejoong

**_Disclaimer_**— I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United Fandoms of Fanfiction. And to the lawyers for which law stands: one franchise, I'm under oath with a lack of invisibility...with...wait...— okay, I don't own Fairy Tail or any of the characters included in said anime-package. Please, don't sue me...

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><p><em>best friends and dead ends<em>

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_._

Natsu had thrown a blanket over the girl faster than he had even breathed. She looked at him oddly, tilting her head to the side as he paced through his living room from the front door to the coffee table where she now sat. Should he call the police? Should he ask her questions— like _why are you in my house_ or _how did you get in my house_ or _just why_ my_ house_? Should he just kick her out and pretend that this whole meeting never even happened? Glancing towards where the girl sat meowing to herself, Natsu was sure none of those solutions were actually..._solutions_.

Obviously the girl was crazy. And Natsu couldn't just...abandon her (curse his good-natured spirit). Nor could he try and speak to her because he was _sure_ her brain didn't have enough space to hold an actual conversation. I mean...she was licking her wrist and purring. She was supposed to be in a _hospital, _not sitting on his coffee table acting like...like...

Like a cat.

He instantly froze, staring at the girl through wide eyes. "Like Luigi!" The girl's head snapped away from wherever she was looking and focused on Natsu as soon as he called his cat's name. And as he got a _good_ look at her, he realized the twitching of two light brown cat ears atop her head and the long tail wagging behind her back. Two fangs peaked from between her lips and she meowed again, though this time...her meow sounded more like a melodious, "Natsu~"

Without a blink, he fainted.

Hours had passed before Natsu so much as moved. He groaned, his head aching and his back stiff from having laid on the floor for what he assumed was hours. His skin suddenly felt wet as something soft poked at his neck, the weight of something much heavier than just air suddenly making itself known as Natsu officially regained conciousness. For a second, he just layed there, eyes closed as he tried to remember what caused him to fall out in the first place.

"Right," he mumbled. "my cat went missing, I was nearly blinded by _something_, a crazy cosplaying girl randomly appeared in my house and she somehow knew my name. Greatest birthday ever."

Natsu hadn't slept in over a day. The party from earlier that morning had lasted way too long and the cleaning lasted even longer. So the thought of sleep was pretty much out of the window until he fainted.

"Maybe it was the lack of sleep that I saw that girl. Maybe I didn't even have a cat," he said with a sigh, melting into the warmth of the cover on top of him. Wait...the cover? "I don't remember—"

"Natsu..." The sound of such a quiet whisper forced Natsu to finally sit up, knocking the cover that wasn't exactly a cover right off of him with a squeal. Slapping his hand against his neck, he rubbed off what felt like saliva and by how the girl (who actually _existed_, omg) looked at him through concerned eyes, Natsu was sure...this wasn't an illusion.

This was actually happening.

She crawled towards him, still proudly in the nude (much to Natsu's dismay), purring as if to comfort him. She nuzzled her head into his neck, the fur on her ears tickling his cheek as she continued the ministrations from back when he had the pleasure of being in a temporary coma. Her tongue dabbed at his heated skin, her teeth grazing against it as if this were _the most okay thing to ever do to a stranger_.

"Ooooh myyyy go— stop! Woman, stop it now! This is so— noooo!" Natsu screeched none-to-manly-like, shoving the girl's face a good foot away from him. She hissed, baring her fangs. Natsu grabbed the forgotten blanket from earlier, tossing it over her head as she struggled to escape its deathly hold.

"This is bad. This is bad. This is bad," he chanted, standing. He began pacing (something he'd done more today than he had done throughout his entire life), trying to find a way to solve this seemingly unsolvable problem without killing himself out of pure embarassment. "She's just confused," Natsu reasoned with the walls. "she doesn't know better."

"N-Natsu~" the girl called from the tangles of the blanket. Her eyes brimmed with tears, her lips quivering as her tail and ears drooped in sadness. "Natsu..."

He ignored her cries, still pacing, still thinking. It was only when her soft weeps suddenly changed to an _extremely _loud yelp that he decided to look down at her. Lost in his thoughts, he hadn't even realized he stepped onto her tail. One that looked a bit..._too_ real to just be apart of a costume as he initially thought.

When she began to desperately claw at his leg did he finally step off of her tail. It curled closer to her body and as she whimpered, honey eyes now glaring at him, a thought suddenly flashed through his mind: the image of a small, light-brown cat with unique eyes. "L-Luigi?" Natsu chirped, mouth falling open as the image of his cat and this girl seemed to mesh.

She blinked, smiling at his call. "Natsu~!"

He fainted again.

The next time Natsu woke up, it wasn't because of a cat-girl-thing licking his neck. It was the pounding of a fist on his front door and loud calls of his name from the other side. There was only one person Natsu knew who completely disregarded the concept of ringing a buzzer and that was none other than— "it's Gray! Open up, Dragneel or I'll kick your door down!"

Natsu groaned as he flopped around, trying to stand on shaky legs to answer the door that he was sure was going to fall over if Gray kept knocking on it so hard. The girl...no, _Luigi_ was nowhere in sight and Natsu silently thanked the Heavens that this was so. If Gray _ever_ saw a naked girl with cat ears in his house, he was sure the older friend would have him arrested and call him all kinds of names while he sat behind bars.

_I can't believe you have such a fetish, __you sick fuck,_ Gray would say. Natsu frowned just thinking of the crazy yet painfully accurate scenario. Waddling over to his door, he only had a second to open it before Gray came barging in, dropping his bags while kicking off his coat and shoes as if this were his apartment. Gray let out a yawn, walking past Natsu and into the home he visited more than he would like to admit.

"Work was a drag," he complained, plopping down onto the couch and turning on the television. Not hearing any sort of sarcastic snort or reply from his pink-haired friend, Gray looked back at Natsu, confused. The unwelcoming scowl on his face was definitely not something Gray expected to see. "Uhh...you okay, Natsu? Do you not like my socks or something?" He twinkled his colorfully stripped feet. "Or did we all leave more of a mess than we thought? The house looks good though. Must've taken you forever to clean."

Natsu pushed aside Gray's rambling and got straight to the point. "Fuck you and your stupid gift, you jerk."

Gray threw his head back in laughter, tears threatning to fall from his eyes as he held onto his stomach. "So you got it, huh? Why, you don't like naked girls? Should I have gotten you a man-version instead?" Expecting some kind of dry retort, Gray froze when all Natsu did was glare at him, his scowl deepening. Gray lifted his hands up in defense. "H-hey, buddy. It's not that serious. I just wanted you to see how great women are and why you should give them _some_ kind of attention."

"So you send me a magical cat?"

"So I send you a magical _what_?" Gray repeated, mind flashing back to the porn mag he had a friend stuff through Natsu's mail slot that afternoon. He could _kind_ of see how it related to cats but Gray highly doubted Natsu and him were even speaking of the same thing anymore.

At that second, Luigi came prancing into the living room, much happier than she had been when Natsu stepped onto her tail earlier and _just_ as naked-er. She hopped onto Natsu's back, thankfully not causing him to lose his balance as he tried to pry her off of him. "Natsu!" She cried, biting his ear and wrapping her legs and tail around his waist. Natsu blanched when, against his back, he felt the heat of her—

"Natsu, what the hell is this?!" Gray snapped, jaw unhinged, eyes twitching at the scene. The girl was an absolute beauty. She looked around their age, maybe a year or two younger. She was blonde (his favorite type, mwahaha), her shimmering hair reaching just below her shoulders. She had a _great_ body, long legs, thin waist and not to mention her boobs looked _glorious_. But as amazing as she looked, the fact that she was hovering over Natsu while wearing some weird anime getup of cat ears and a tail had him too freaked out to fully appreciate any other part of her bangin' body. "As your friend of thirteen years, I can shamelessly say that I never knew you had such a fetish, you sick fuck!"

_I knew it_! Natsu's mind raged. He reached his arms behind him, grabbing Luigi's waist and pushing her away from him. She meowed playfully, unravling herself from him and dropping onto her knees. She weaved through Natsu's legs, purring, ears brushing against his—

"Rated R! Rated R!" Gray screamed, covering his eyes with his fingers (though peaking a _bit_ because this was kind of hot). He quickly stood, struggling to put on his shoes as he grabbed his coat. "I am feeling very conflicted right now! This whole time, I thought you were being oblivious...but you actually had a girlfriend! I can't believe this!" Gray blubbered. He picked up all of his bags by the front door and high-tailed it out of Natsu's apartment just as fast as he had entered it, all while yelling about how much he sucked as a friend and how lucky Natsu was and how the world was a huge lie and a ton of other Gray-like things that Natsu really couldn't focus on right now.

Because right now— "Natsu~" —he really needed to get Luigi some clothes.

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_in this awkward fling, why is a brain a thing_

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When Natsu woke up the next morning, he had really wanted his birthday's events to be everything but a reality. But of course, as curious honey eyes clashed with his tired black ones, that clearly wouldn't be the case.

Luigi, now dressed (though _swallowed _seemed more fitting) in an old pair of his sweats and a tee, layed on top of him, simply watching as he blinked away the last remnants of the worst sleep in his life. All night, he had tried making her sleep _anywhere _but on top of him, even just next to him would've sufficed, but _no_. Everytime he dared to carry her into another room or push her onto the other side of the king-sized bed, she'd hiss and prance right back onto his torso. And when he had finally decided to just let her be, she would force him to stay in the _exact same _position throughout his entire slumber. A single toss or turn and she'd dig her claws into his shoulders.

He swore between dreams that in the morning, he'd scold her or _something_, but as she looked at him, eyes wide and almost child-like, he knew he wouldn't do anything of the sort. Ugh, there went his good-natured spirirt acting up again. It would be the death of him— "Nyaatsu!" —if Luigi didn't kill him first.

Natsu sat up in his bed, letting out a loud yawn while Luigi continued to cling to his body. As he motioned to get up and start the day, she wrapped her legs around his waist, ears twitching at a mile a minute. By now, Natsu had grown used to Luigi's clingy ways. In the many hours he had known her, _not_ getting used to her always being in his personal bubble would've been strange. He chuckled at the thought, shuffling into his bathroom.

"Okay, Luigi. This'll be something new. You're going to take a bath and then I'll take a shower. Sound good?" Natsu peered down at her, not exactly expecting an answer. And he didn't get one either. Luigi was too busy taking in his large white bathroom, the only room in the house never to be tainted by the messy exploring she did the day before. "I've always heard that cats aren't exactly fans of water, but that's just too bad. You can't exactly lick yourself clean anymore—" boy, did his imaginations run wild at that realization. "—so you're just going to have to do it human-style, okay?"

Luigi licked his jaw, a smile spreading across her cheeks. "Okay," she awkwardly said, causing Natsu to look down at her in surprise.

"So you can say more than just my name...cool." Although a talking cat-human hybrid who showed signs of being able to actually learn a language would make every other person on Earth gasp in utter shock, Natsu just shrugged it off as if it were completely normal. Honestly, after all the things he had seen the day before, _this_ was nothing.

Kneeling over (Luigi _still_ managing to hang off of him), Natsu switched on the warm water of his bath tub. "Now, I'm only going to explain this to you once," he began, eyeing Luigi very closely. "When the water is done filling up, you're going to take this off," he pointed at his...or _her_ clothes. "and get in. Then you're going to use that liquid soap," he slowly pointed to the purple bottle, making sure that she followed his line of vision. "and pour it on your hands. After scrubbing it on your skin, you're going to thoroughly wash it away, get out and towel off. Got it?"

"Okay," was her curt response. After a good ten minutes of trying to peel her off of him, she finally stood on her own.

"I'll be right outside," Natsu said, inching away from her. "If you start to feel uncomfortable or don't know what to do, call for me. _Okay_?"

"Okay."

And so he left her to her own devices, walking back into his bedroom so he could find her something decent to wear. He had his own work clothes prepared and was contemplating whether he should let her wear his old jersey or his mother's lame 50's sitcom tee when a loud crash resounded throughout the room. He groaned, now knowing Luigi's _okay_ didn't exactly mean _okay_. Ugh.

He opened the bathroom door only to be greeted by a partially clothed Luigi covered with bubbles as she sat dumbly in the over-filled tub. On the floor was an old candle he had placed by the tub a few weeks ago for when he wanted to have one of his relaxing _me_ times, but now, the expensive glass was broken into tiny pieces. Luigi looked at him as if she had done nothing wrong, in fact, she looked at him as if this were all _his_ doing.

Yeah...she was definitely a cat.

Looking at the scene, Natsu acknowledged that Luigi wasn't exactly ready to take on a task as hard and difficult and strenuous as bathing oneself. He sighed, scratching the back of his neck. "Don't slap me when I say this, Luigi but..." Natsu gulped. "I think I might have to help you bathe."

Sadly, because Luigi wasn't exactly the most normal girl with the most normal reaction to things, she didn't slap him. Instead, she meowed in excitement, opening her arms wide as he warily crossed the bathroom to the tub. _There's nothing to this_, his thoughts attempted to reassure him. _She's just a cat. Guys bathe with their cats all the time, right? Totally normal and socially acceptable. Besides, this saves up on water. Right. Yeah. I'm doing this for the water bill._

Stripping down to just his boxers, Natsu slowly sinked into the tub behind Luigi who grabbed him so quickly, he almost fell back and drowned. "Bathe me," she ordered with the most _innocent_ look, one that contradicted her whole statement.

It was then that any and all of Natsu's perverted thoughts quickly flew out of the window. This girl...this _cat_ was just that. A cat. She didn't have the mind of a girl (though she sure did have the body of one, not gonna lie here), so the tension he had felt between them for hours was all meaningless. It had finally clicked with Natsu.

Luigi was nothing but a pet. And he'd treat her as such. No longer would he be uncomfortable or stiff. He'd simply let her be because hey, if she were still in the body of the light-brown cat that he was _sure_ Gray had left him, he wouldn't mind bathing Luigi in the least.

_It's fine_, he thought with a smile, shedding Luigi of her last soaked article of clothing and tossing it to wherever. _She's just my cat._ He took the purple bottle from her hands and squeezed the liquid into his palm. _And this isn't the most sinful thing I've ever done in my life. _Honestly, his thoughts kind of sounded sarcastic, but he ignored them as he began lathering Luigi's skin with the velvety soap.

_Cat and master just doing their thang._

Natsu was one-thousand percent sure his actions were legal, even when his hands went places he had never thought they'd ever go on _anyone's_ body, he just laughed off any odd feelings and peacefully soaked in Luigi's pure happiness.

But that all came crashing down when she suddenly moaned.

_Cats...don't..._his thoughts were instantly cut off when Luigi grabbed his roaming wrist, stopping him from moving and forcing his eyes to look at her own. They were pooling with something that Natsu couldn't exactly define but when Luigi's lips suddenly came crashing down on his own, Natsu knew...

_This isn't normal. This isn't right. She's not just a cat, she's not my pet!_

Luigi had a mind. And Natsu had to figure that out the hard way.

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(=･ω･=) **To Be Continued **(=･ω･=)

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><p><strong><em>Author's<em>**_ **Note**_: Wow, I wrote this quicker than I thought I would. As soon as I posted the last chapter and recieved so many favorites/follows and surprisingly, _reviews _(which I gotta say made me feel super happy because you guys are so sweet), I quickly began working on this. I actually finished it in a few hours and I honestly hope this chapter was at least _okay_. Your reviews and follows/favorites really motivated me to actually write a second chapter. It kind of makes me want to start working on SG again but...nah, that's too much work. Haha, anyways, again, thank you for your feedback, guys and review this chapter too if you wanna! See you in chapter three!

_**Author's Respones**_: To all my lovely reviewers for chapter one, I shall take this time to respond to all of your comments! I could've PM'd you all, but that can get awkward really quickly so I decided that this was the best method. Pat yourselves on the back, you all rock (side thing: I kinda stalked all of your profiles, teehee).

_FlyingDoll4 _— congratulations, friend! You were my very first reviewer. The instant I saw your name pop up into my e-mail, I nearly died. "Ack, my first review! What if he/she hates me? What if they think the story sucks? What, what if, what if~" but then I actually saw your review. And I couldn't have laughed any harder. Ha, I don't know why I laughed so hard. Maybe it was because your comment was so straight-forward, I dunno. It just really made me laugh. Instead of making me cry (or just whine like a baby) like I thought this story's reviews would do, it made me laugh my apples off. It probably wasn't intended, but I thank you anyways. It really loosened me up and made me _a lot_ less nervous for my second review. Speaking of...

_Risshu _— kyaaaaa! I updated, look!

_Dark Shining Light _— aww, thanks a ton. Hopefully you didn't have to wait too long~ Next chapter, though...that'll probably take a while. I'm going back to school soon but I'll try to keep writing!

_locoanime_ — has this chapter erased all icky Nali thoughts from your mind? X)

_Gh0st's buddy _— lol, no _you're _great. Hope this chapter was decent!

_Andril_ — that's funny because I probably have one of the worst senses of humor. I'm so dry. My jokes are corny and even make my mother cringe (and she's the queen of dad jokes). But thank you anyways. I'll keep trying!

_Dark-Otaku-One-Of-Many _— OKAII

_ineptia_ — oh my goodness, you actually pointed out my typos for me. XD That is so kind of you. I know I had asked for people to look out but I didn't think anyone actually would. Thanks a ton~ I'm a bit of a lazy buttface so I probably won't edit them even though I told myself that I must. Ah, now I feel like I wasted your time. I'm sorry! ToT

_Ventillai _— oh lawd. Don't be too stoked. I don't want to disappoint you. ;-;. And Natsu? Hmm...it seems I always make his character the same in every story I write (mainly the ones I haven't published). I don't know why but he just comes out that way. Glad you like him though~

_chu~_


	3. Spinning by TVXQ

**_Disclaimer_**— I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United Fandoms of Fanfiction. And to the lawyers for which law stands: one franchise, I'm under oath with a lack of invisibility...with...wait...— okay, I don't own Fairy Tail or any of the characters included in said anime-package. Please, don't sue me...

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><p><em>for you, this is all new, but i still love who<em>

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So, um...yeah.

That happened.

As soon as Luigi's lips came into contact with his own, Natsu's brain fried into a cripsy pile of pixie dust. He didn't move a single inch as her arms wrapped around his neck, dragging her body closer to his own with ease. Their bare chests collided, burning skin and heavily scented bubbles being the only things between them as her tongue attempted to wrestle with his.

Now Natsu, as a self-proclaimed fully developed man, was _sure_ he was supposed to be enjoying Luigi's whole..._thing_, but as she continued to sloppily— albeit confidently —massage his lips and tickle his thighs with her tail, his body refused to melt into her stride. As great as it was to have a seriously hot chick willingly fling herself at him, Natsu couldn't help but think Luigi's actions were a bit...

How should he put this?

Rehearsed? Forced? Ah, he had no idea. No word in the dictionary seemed to fit yet he knew everything happening was somehow _wrong_ and _strange_.

Instead of surrendering to the little demon perched on his shoulder, screaming at him to _just go for it_, Natsu took that moment to figure out what exactly had gotten into his "innocent" little Luigi. Either a, she was drunk (which he highly doubted since he wasn't much of a drinker and had removed any trace of the alcohol Gray had thrown into his home the day before), b, she thought his breath smelled like fish and wanted to taste it since...y'know, cats liked fish (the idea kind of stung his ego so he quickly forgot it) or c...

His mind flashed back to before this whole circus even took place: twenty-five minutes ago. He had asked Luigi if she understood how to bathe, ending his question with an _okay__?_ She had answered him, repeating the same word in affirmation. But...it wasn't actually in _affirmation_ per se. She had no idea what she was doing. She was in the tub with her clothes on, for pete's sake! She had just _copied_ his words, not having a single clue as to what they meant.

From his living room only a door away, Natsu could hear the faint sounds of a television.

The same television Gray had left on the night before.

He listened closer, struggling to ignore Luigi as she began to grind into his lap. "_Stay tuned,_ folks!" A bubbly anouncer chirped. "_Channel DEF's __twenty-four hour Best Movie Kisses marathon will be right back after a word from our sponsers~_"

Shiiiet.

Faster than lightning, Natsu pushed Luigi away from him, hands having a firm grip on her shoulders as she whined a series of "okay"s and "Natsu"s.

Dammit, she really _didn't_ understand. She really _was_ just copying him and the stupid make-out scenes in those stupid movies that stupid Gray loved so much.

...well, if this wasn't just the most awkward, romcom-type moment Natsu had ever experienced in his life...

"Luigi," He began while she tried catching a few bubbles with her mouth. _The mouth that kissed the life out of you like three seconds ago_, his shoulder-devil cackled. Natsu mentally flicked him away. "do you have any idea what you just did? Huh?"

Luigi's nose crinkled, her eyes drifting upwards in thought. After a few ticks and tocks of his clock went by, Luigi finally gave up and sank further down into the pool of luke warm water beneath her. "Luigi, huh?" Natsu heard her grumble.

He blinked, finding her choice of his words somewhat...odd. He had no idea what she was trying to say. Her face remained emotionless, her ears drooped in what looked like dissatifaction. But that wasn't the concern here. Natsu pressed on, trying to make sure Luigi was just being an ignorant copy-cat— no pun intended —and not actually trying to make a move on him.

He didn't know _what_ he'd do if the latter was the case.

"Do you know what kissing someone means? That and...and e-everything else you were doing?" When Luigi tilted her head in confusion, Natsu groaned. "Y-you know what I'm talking about! The whole...touchy-touchy thing. Do you even know what that does to someone? It's bad!"

"Luigi's bad," was her curt reponse.

"No, you're not. If you didn't mean it then—"

Luigi frowned, eyes narrowing. "No, Luigi's bad. I love Lucy."

So now Natsu was even more confused. His fingers roughly threaded through his hair, beginning to feel frustrated while Luigi continued to glare daggers into his soul. "What else did you watch while I was asleep?"

"I love Lucy."

"Obviously."

"No, _I_ love Lucy."

"The character?" Natsu grimaced as he thought of the iconic red-haired trouble maker. "But she's old and married."

"_No_." Luigi seemed to understand that word perfectly now that Natsu thought about it. She was like a toddler. A really grumpy, hard-to-please toddler. "Lucy!" She cried again. Seeing he was still a little lost, Luigi sighed, deciding to take this as slowly as possible.

"Luigi," she said, pointing to herself. Natsu nodded dumbly. So far, so good. Taking a deep breath, she moved onto step two. "No. I no Luigi."

"You're not Luigi?"

"No."

"'No' you're not Luigi or 'no' you're not _not_ Luigi?"

"Natsu!"

"Okay, okay. I'm kidding," He chuckled, waving a dismissive hand. Leaning an arm against the tub's rim, Natsu looked her straight in the eye, curiosity and amusement peaked. "You're saying you're not Luigi, right? Then who are you? That's a question I should've asked from the very beginning."

"Lucy. I'm Lucy," she sighed in relief, glad Natsu was beginning to understand her short sentences. "I love Lucy."

Natsu's eyes squinted before— finally, _finally_—bells rang in his head. "Oh, you mean the _naaame_," he drawled. Luigi nodded frantically. Gee, that took him longer to figure out than he would've liked. "So you wanna be called Lucy now, huh? Why, because you saw the name on TV? I thought Luigi suited you perfectly."

"No," she deadpanned.

Natsu rolled in eyes, somewhat saddended by her sudden need for a name change (had she entered that rebellious teenager stage in her life already?) but still smiling. "Fine, fine. Do as you please. It's not like I'm your mother or anything. Even though I _do_ house, bathe, clothe and feed—" the Earth felt like it was shaking off of its axle as a loud growl bounced off the bathroom walls. Luigi— err..._Lucy _giggled, patting her stomach. "Oh my god, I haven't fed you! Why didn't you tell me? This is animal abuse!"

Natsu quickly jumped out of the tub, boxers sopping wet and hair a frazzled mess. With all that had happened, he completely forgot that he was actually sitting in a tub with a nak— _don't look behind you, don't look behind you, don't look behind you_, his mind drilled.

"U-uh, you finish up in here, Luig..._cy_." Smooth. "I'm just going to cook us a nice, fancy breakfast!" He called as he stormed out of the bathroom, face redder than Lucy's bruising lips. As a note-to-self, he also grumbled angrily under his breath, "I'll also be destroying that stupid television."

Oh, what a way to start the day.

_wipe your drool, quickies are cool_

Apparently, Natsu had never cooked before.

After a few minutes of trying to dissect each and every instruction in one of his mother's old cookbooks, he had somehow burned eight oddly-shaped pancakes and twelve strips of bacon, the eggs exploded because— fun fact —they weren't microwavable and in the end, the only slightly edible thing he had left in his kitchen was a rotting banana and some boiled water.

"So I'm not the best chef," he huffed, ripping off his checkered apron. "Cooking doesn't matter. Food doesn't matter either. Who needs food anyways? Screw food."

His pride had been crushed. Before pulling out the pots and pans, he had rolled up his sleeves, more than ready to take the challenge of something as easy as cooking. Of course, things hadn't gone as he had planned and now he was a bitter, prissy mess.

Natsu's anger only began to disappear when he looked over at Lui_cy. _She was sitting patiently at his kitchen table, legs swinging back and forth and ears perkier than ever. He frowned, not wanting to disappoint (or _starve_) Lucy by not having the "fancy" breakfast he had promised to make her earlier. Why did he even say that? He knew he had never picked up any other kitchen utensil besides a spoon, a fork and a knife before. Why did he have to show off and get her hopes up? Why did he feel the need to impress a...a _cat_?

Walking over to where Lucy waited, he cleared his throat, instantly grabbing her attention.

Her eyes were wide in anticipation, claws scratching at his tabletop. Ugh, it's as if she were a kid on Christmas day, ready to open her infinite amount of gifts. How would her face be after she saw he didn't prepare anything special? Would Natsu be like a prankster mom who'd just wrap empty boxes and leave them under the tree for kicks?

When her eyebrows crinkled in confusion at his lack of plates and delicious noms, he realized he _really _didn't want to be that guy.

"Err..." Natsu stiffly began, trying to look anywhere but at Lucy. "there's sort of a little problem. You see, a r-robber just ran in here while you weren't paying attention. He stole all of the _amazing_ food I had cooked for you, leaving nothing behind. Not even a crumb. Gee, he was so fast. I, uhhh, had no time to protect our poor, defenseless food. My eyes are watering at this very moment," he cut off his rambling by choking out a cheap sob. _For the effect_, he thought. "and I am _so_ sorry to say this, but...we're going to have to go eat some Quick'Donalds."

It was clear Lucy had no idea what the heck a Quick'Donalds was. Although it was the most popular fast food restaurant in the country, he highly doubted a cat would have ordered from there on its spare time. Even after a cat transformed into a girl before his very eyes, that thought still seemed a bit far-fetched. I mean, what would it even order? A fish fillet? A jug of milk? French fries topped with cat nip?

_Okay, I'm dragging these jokes now_, Natsu thought, a tight smile in place as Lucy began giving him a skeptical look. Before he could continue on with his dry excuse, she stood from the tall stool, quickly spinning on her heel (without giving him a glance!). She stomped over towards the front door, arms crossed as she waited for him. _Is she actually mad at me right now?_

By how she hissed at him when he finally reached her, pulling on his coat and draping a long, thick sweater around her with a knitted hat to boot, she definitely was.

However, that anger was comically short-lived. Once they drove up to the nearest QD's drive-thru in Natsu's old, junky car, Lucy began bouncing in her seat, excited to see all of the foods decorating the restaurant's menu. "Natsu is okay!"

Shamelessly proud, Natsu smirked. "I am, aren't I? QD's can never do you wrong. What do you want, Luig_-__cy_? Get whatever your little heart desires."

He regretted his words as soon as she began pointing to every meal on the menu, screaming "this" and "that" until he had to slam his gloved hand over her mouth. "You know what, I'll order for you." He turned towards his rolled-down window, analyzing the large menu before finally coming to a decision.

"Welcome to Quick'Donalds, home of the Quick Burger, can I take your order?" A monotone voice called from the loudspeaker.

"Yes, I'll have—" _ring ding dong, ring ding dong, ring, riggi-diggi-ding ding ding_, it was his cellphone. "Ah, hold on please."

"Sure. Take your time. It's not like there's a million other cars building up behind you as you take your precious call. We're just called _Quick_'Donalds because it's one letter away from Quack. Ducks are just so loved here." The sarcasm was so evident, Natsu had to blink a few times before he could register it. How rude was this guy?

He picked up his phone anyways after digging around in his pocket for it, ignoring Lucy's impatient whines and the QD worker's pissed grumbles. "Hello?"

"_Natsu, you're three minutes late! Get your butt to work this instant or I'm going to yank out every hair on your body with Makarov's dentures!_"

Natsu didn't even think twice when hearing his co-worker's threat, tossing his phone into Lucy's lap and zooming out of the drive-thru as fast as his broken down car would let him. In the distance, he could hear the QD man scream into his microphone curse words Natsu had never even heard of, swearing to sue him for emotional distress. But that didn't matter right now.

Because if he didn't get to work in the next fifteen seconds, Erza would have his head.

_oh what ever shall i do, life has become a zoo_

"Lucy, for the eleventh time, I'm sorry for not getting you breakfast," the pink-haired man cried as he guided Lucy into his workplace's convenitely empty elevator. Natsu had been pleading with the girl ever since they left the drive-thru, begging her to accept his endless apologies. She just ignored him, eyes rolling dramatically everytime he tried (and failed). _Where the heck did she even learn that from? _His thoughts exclaimed.

"Natsu is not okay," Lucy said and although Natsu couldn't exactly see them from under her hat, he was sure her ears were pulled back in irritation. "I love breakfast. Natsu is a comitting attempted murder."

"What on Earth have you been watching, woman? To learn such words, I mean. When did you even have the time?" He asked, struggling to keep the urge to punch Gray into the next century down to a normal level. "I'm not that much of a heavy sleeper. I could've sworn you were on top of me all night lo—"

The elevator doors opened sooner than Natsu would've liked. Standing before him, eyes wide and mouths agape, were Loke, Gray, Lisanna and— he gulped —_Erza_.

"See, guys? I _told_ you he had a girlfriend!" Gray screeched. "You didn't believe me but I was right! Look, look at her!" He pointed at Lucy's shocked form, body shaking wildly because dammit, he _had_ told them so!

Loke blinked dumbly, eyes switching from Lucy to Natsu. After a short while, he finally reacted, eyebrows wiggling as he crooned, "so this pretty lady was on top of you all night long, huh? Weird. You look like a guy who'd be on top for sure."

Natsu pretended he never heard that.

"N-Natsu, is she the reason why you were late today? I-I mean, you're never late unless it's something...i-important," Lisanna stuttered, twiddling her thumbs as she looked Lucy up and down. "Is she really who Gray says she is? Your girlfriend?"

Natsu probably would've answered them, settled their fears and suspicions if Erza hadn't been sending laser beams through his skull via her eyeballs. His words caught in his throat, ready to smash the "close door" button on the elevator _so hard_ when Lucy suddenly chimed a "no I'm not," causing Lisanna to relax her shoulders a bit and Loke to punch Gray in the gut.

His eyes finally shifted away from Erza's homocidal gaze and to Lucy who had the most mischievous look he had ever seen in all his years. Not even a second passed before Lucy casually said, "we're married!" with the fakest smile reaching up to her ears.

Gray punched Loke back.

Lisanna coughed on her spit.

Erza smiled?

And Natsu was sure he died a little.

_My lost breakfast..._Lucy thought, honey eyes glittering with triumph. _This is for you!_

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(=･ω･=) **To Be Continued **(=･ω･=)

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><p><strong><em>Author's Note:<em>** Ack, I'm a day late with this one. I tried making a schedule for when I'll update (that being every other day), but now that school's back on and exam season has arrived, I think updates will be somewhat sporadic. Of course the time between chapters won't be too long, maybe two or three days after when I originally planed, but I'm still really sorry! Forgive me~ Anyways, hopefully this chapter was ai'ight. If you can't tell, it's _really_ rushed. Like...I _just_ finished five minutes ago when I started it an hour ago. Meh, sorry if there are any mistakes. I tried! For my effort, please stay tuned for chapter 3. As always, review if you wanna and keep coming back for more!

**_Author's Responses: _**Wow, how many people reviewed last chapter? Thirteen? And then there were about two or three more for chapter one. Gah, I didn't think I'd get so many. This section is going to be a little longer than I thought, yeesh. But no complaints! I'm actually pretty happy, haha. Let's begin, shall we? Who was number one this time, hmmm?

_DazzTugz _— congratulations, you've won! Congratualtions, you've won! Congratulations, you've won! Haha, what's up with you guys laughing at my lame writing/jokes? I seriously don't think I'm funny. But I sincerely thank you for laughing anyways. Hopefully there's a surgery that sews bottoms back on. I wouldn't want you to go without it for the rest of your life. Hahaha...ha...yeah, see? I'm not funny.

_Person _— I have updated, person! :D Hopefully you'll never be in this kind of situation...it's kind of terrifying if you think about it hard enough.

Gh0st's buddy — you're back? Kyaaa! HELLO! Lawl, when you say "next sweet detailed chapter", I hope you weren't expecting what I think you were expecting. 'cuz if so, you just got trolled, son! This is rated T and it's only chapter 3, no super pervy stuff here~ Mwahaha!

_SakuraPetal91 _(ooo, such a pretty username) — DON'T BURN ME, AAAAH! I'VE UPDATED!11! Unrage! Unrage yourself!

_AnimeOnCookie _— Natsu's stupid and blind. Gray's mentioned he was really oblivious to a lot of things, pushing them to the back of his mind and making up stupid crap to excuse other's actions. I wonder when I'll make him _less_ oblivious because right now, his head is still as thick as a brick wall. Haha, and yes! He has sinned! Off with his head!

_Dark-Otaku-One-Of-Many _— squee, you're back too! I love you guys so much. But just like with Gh0st's buddy, this chapter may have disappointed you. Lucy just copies the things she sees and has no idea what her actions mean...or does she? Kukukuku. Wink.

_FlyingDoll4 _— aww yeah, it's my number one. Welcome back! T_T

_Aria _— aw shucks. You're making me blush. I don't think this story is that good (my writing is still pretty pre-mature) but thank you anyways. Ah, and your second review. Oh my god, that made me OTL from laughing so hard. XD

_Fairy TailF. T _— I SERIOUSLY CANNOT BELIEVE THIS IS FUNNY. Like, yeah. It was supposed to have humor in it, but I can't believe you guys actually laughed at it! Is my sense of humor better than I thought? Teehee, really? I wonder how much you would like my wicked knock-knock jokes...

_brooke0315 _— you're even more puuuurfect~ so perfect, I might go fishing. Geddit? Geddit? Brooke? Water? Fish? Fishing? Yeeeah *slaps knee*

_destructo008 _— thank you so much! Please stick around! Reviews like yours make me very happy~

_Dark Shining Light _— three people back with reviews! Awesome! And yes, her name has finally been changed! At last! But the name Luigi...hm, you're right. That isn't a girl's name. Maybe...Luigianna? Or...Luigially? Do these sound more feminine or more stupid?

_locoanime _— FOUR PEOPLE RETURNED WITH REVIEWS! Yaaaay! I have now updated! And don't worry, I will never ship Nali **ever** so rest assured that this story will stay Nalu forever until always. Erm...but that doesn't mean I won't have Lisanna creeping on Natsu with some skinship between the two. I'm evil and I shall enjoy reading all of the future reviews that'll most likely be pissed at how their characters will interact. Stay tuned!

_chu~_


	4. BABOBOY by JYJ

**_Disclaimer_**— I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United Fandoms of Fanfiction. And to the lawyers for which law stands: one franchise, I'm under oath with a lack of invisibility...with...wait...— okay, I don't own Fairy Tail or any of the characters included in said anime-package. Please, don't sue me...

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><p><em>pray for Natsu 2k15<em>

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Erza had called an emergency meeting.

With just a single clap of her hands, every worker on Dreyar Inc.'s notoriously rowdy seventh floor stuffed themselves into the main staff room. Whispers and giggles bounced off of the walls as janitors and accountants alike waited to hear the "life-changing and revolutionary" news their director _desperately _needed to share with them.

"I wonder what that she-devil has prepared for us now," one middle-aged man groaned, slouching in his seat while flashing his watch a glance every millisecond or so.

The woman beside him rolled her hazel eyes, arms crossed. "You always complain about Erza's meetings, Maccaroni. You've been working with her for almost a decade. Get over it."

"E-excuse me, Alberona?" Macao coughed, nearly jumping out of his seat. "How would _you_ like having to listen to the never-ending orders of a girl almost half your age?"

Cana shrugged. "If it makes you feel any better, I have to listen to the never-ending complaints of a man almost twice my age."

"Why you—"

Another clap resounded throughout the room, signaling the fashionably-late arrival of the fearsome Erza Scarlet. As she strutted in, an unwilling Natsu and an all-too-willing Lucy behind her, it instantly became quiet. So quiet, Natsu was sure everyone could hear his nervous beads of sweat hitting the floor.

They all looked at him, eyes scanning his shaking figure before shooting over to a dorkily smiling Lucy. Then to him again. Then Lucy. It was a dramatically synchroinzed cycle that lasted until Erza cleared her throat, bringing the attention back to her.

"Before I officially begin," she said, her voice as strong, cold and steady as it always was. "allow me to calm all of your raging thoughts by assuring you: no, Natsu did not murder anyone."

Said man squinted his eyes after hearing a few sighs of relief from the crowd.

"However, what he did do was get married." Erza's words were _so quick_ and _blunt_ that Natsu had no time to brace his ears for his co-workers' exaggerated reaction. They nearly snapped their necks screaming in shock, a million eyes wide as they attempted to search Erza's own for lies. "Yes, it's true. I was just as elated as you all when I realized Natsu had finally found someone who'd clean his underwear for free."

"And can you _believe _he invited _none of us_ to the wedding?!" Gray exclaimed, smiling brightly even though Natsu was sure he was burning on the inside. "I mean, come on, right? We've only known him for— pssssh —what? _Forever_. As his friend of thirteen years, I can shamelessly say that I _do not feel like__ throttling him right now_."

A few disappointed murmurs replaced the seemingly never-ending hollers of the staff, some sad they weren't able to see Natsu in a tuxedo while others were pissed they missed out on the food. "Wedding food is the best food," he heard someone say, and no matter how much he wanted to agree, now wasn't the time to think about that.

He had to set them straight.

Like now.

"So how was the wedding night?" Loke chimed. He ripped off his glasses, giving Natsu the most intense look he had ever seen outside of a television screen. "I bet it was warm," he whispered before breaking out into a highly suggestive grin. "Ha, get it? _Warm_. Because you had sex. Hahaha."

Natsu shoved his face away.

"Erm, guys. It seems you've misundertood a few things," he began, his voice was low and shaky— the complete opposite of Erza's whose demanded the spotlight. Yet somehow, everyone settled down to listen to him, dying to hear what the freshly un-single man had to say.

"A-actually, I'm not married." A wild chorus of immature _boo_'s attempted to cut him off, but he still continued. "You see, Lucy here is actually..."

My cat?

My cat-turned-human?

My cat-turned-human who didn't exactly know what "married" meant?

Lucy's unexpected voice finished his sentence, all heads turning towards her. "I'm actually his mistress."

My cat-turned-human who didn't exactly know what "married" meant who seemed to want me on everyone's death list?! Was she doing this on purpose? What did little ol' him ever do to her?

More screaming that nearly broke his eardum followed her words. Tables were flipped and chairs were thrown. Erza's smile became a hideous frown. Loke and Gray had no idea who should punch the other first. Lisanna looked on the verge of collapsing and out of his periphials, he could see Cana giving him a thumbs-up.

Okay, no.

He _really_ had to set them straight.

"She's an animal!" Natsu yelled, his voice booming, fists shaking at his sides.

It was silent.

A faint sense of relief washed over him at the lack of sound, leading him to believe that— as awkward and unbelievable as his abridged story seemed —telling them the truth was for the best. As Gray said before, they had all known each other for a long time. They had to believe him. They had to. Right?

And they did.

"_Ooooh mah god_!" Loke squealed, poking Natsu's side. "How sinful! Is that why you cheated on your girlfriend with her, huh?" Poke, poke. "You _did_ say she was on top of you all night long~"

Yep, they believed him alright.

Just not in the way he wanted them to.

Everyone started gagging, images of Lucy and his unholy "relationship" plauging their minds. They all gave him looks of disgust and second-hand shame, shaking their heads with scrunched up faces.

This was bad —"y'know, I visited him last night. Loke, you wouldn't _believe _what I saw when I got there," —and Gray certainly wasn't helping.

When people began to approach her, asking on their knees why she would take on such a lowly role for a lowly man such as Natsu, she happily replied with, "I love Natsu like I love breakfast!" all while shooting him a look he was sure meant _something_. But he really couldn't dwell on that at the moment.

Lisanna was foaming at the mouth and needed medical assistance.

Plus Erza looked ready to castrate him.

He had to run.

_curse these kisses and licks, you can't teach an old cat new tricks_

Natsu slammed the tray of oily meat and vegetables in front of her, eyes narrowing as Lucy vaccuum'd up each and every crumb without hesitation. He pulled out his chair, taking a seat at the cafeteria lunch table they shared and continued to glare daggers through her oblivious skull. If she did happen to notice, she paid him no mind.

_Food_, she mentally cried in satisfaction. _Finally, I am eating food!_

A few seconds passed (uncomfortable for one party but _complete bliss_ for the other) with Lucy practically inhaling her food and Natsu simply staring at her in irritation.

"I miss when you could only say my name," he mumbled, suddenly feeling extremely nostalgic for the days of _just yesterday_. He rested his chin on his palm while Lucy popped carrot bits into her mouth without a care in the world. "Remind me to never let you near a television for as long as I breathe."

He was expertly ignored.

"Natsu is okay again," Lucy declared after nearly drowning herself with four cartons of milk. "Natsu has been freed of the attempted murder charges."

"Yay for me," he sarcastically cheered, waving his hands in the air. "I can't believe this was all over some food. My reputation, do you know what you've done to it? I'm going to have to quit my job. I'm going to have to move to another country. I might just have to kill myself, Lucy. Do you know what you've done to me? I—" he was silenced with a quick peck on his lips. Lucy smiled innocently when he pulled back in shock. "Was that _really _called for?"

"Touching mouths means thank you."

After checking to see that none of his co-workers were around to witness the unexpexted exchange, Natsu face-palmed himself. "_Kissing_," he corrected. "rarely means that."

Lucy looked beyond confused and Natsu reminded himself that _just words_ never really helped the girl comprehend new things. He exhaled slowly, eyes closing as he tried to come up with a visual way to make her understand. "Okay. This," he puckered his lips.

As if it were her life's only duty, Lucy kissed him.

"_No_. Let me finish! Don't move!" He ordered. "_This_..." he puckered his lips again, eyeing Lucy to make sure she didn't move an inch and violate his body for the millionth time that day. "doesn't mean thank you. It means let's make a baby."

Extreme? Maybe.

Necesarry? Definitely.

"Now this," he gave her a disgustingly fake smile and a thumbs-up. "means thank you. Don't do the first one anymore, only the second one. Give it a try."

When Lucy attempted to wink at him, she ended up just blinking really hard. When she took a jab at the thumbs-up, she became distracted because— my _goodness _—she had opposable thumbs! Natsu concluded that this girl was a lost cause.

"But Natsu," she whined between her fascinated _ooo_'s and _aaah_'s. "the tibi girls always did the first thing to the tibi men. They did it a lot when they were given a gift or a long sorry. I never saw them do the second thing."

Natsu grabbed her hands, pushing them out of her face and forcing her focus onto him. "It's pronounced _TV_. And people who are in a relationship like ours—" wait, what was their relationship exactly? "—don't kiss. It's illegal and leads to death."

She hummed in thought, scratching her head as she attempted to absorb his words. As always, they didn't seem to want to stick. "I don't like the second one," she admitted sadly. "but I won't do the first one anymore because I don't want Natsu to die. Instead, can I do the third one?"

"The third one? I didn't teach you a thir—" his words died down in his throat as Lucy leaned over the table and dragged her tongue across his cheek, giggling as he struggled to come up with a something to say. Was personal space just not a thing anymore?

He was _totally_ going to scold her this time, give her a good waggle of his finger even. Put her on a time out or something! But...as always...he just couldn't bring himself to do it. Especially after she gave him the brightest smile and whispered a shy, "thank you for the food."

Aargh, his good-natured spirit! Stressing him out and always breaking his resolve!

Natsu huffed, giving Lucy a soft pat on the head. She purred in delight. "I guess the third one's not so bad," he relunctantly grumbled. "Just don't do it in public, or else someone might—"

"Have you no shame, Dragneel?!" Erza's screech from across the cafeteria sent a blade through his barrier of temporary peace. Crap, how could he possibly forget he was at a place where souless red-heads roamed, wrecking havoc and making it their mission to torture him on a daily basis?

All eyes zoomed to the table where he sat in a daze, Lucy looking as innocent as ever, humming as if she had absolutely nothing to do with his impending doom.

A now concious Lisanna stood next to the snarling beast known as his boss, following where the elder woman's finger pointed accusingly. The tears that welled up in her cerulean eyes made Natsu feel _gross_ as he remembered what had started all of this in the first place.

_I mean, really? _He thought bitterly. _My "mistress", of all things?_

Natsu stood, hands raised in defense. He chuckled nervously, hoping it wasn't too late to properly explain things. "Erza, please. It's not what it looks, l—"

"You and your little lady friend better get comfortable, Dragneel!" Erza roared. Was this today just _interrupt Natsu before he can actually speak_ day? "With all the extra work I'll be giving you, you will _n__ot_ be going home tonight! Or for the rest of this week for that matter!"

Yeah, it was too late.

"I've got my eye on you!" She hoarsely sang. "You're everything that I see, _Natsu_!"

Definitely too late.

Natsu sighed. This was going to be a _long _day.

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(=･ω･=) **To Be Continued **(=･ω･=)

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><p><strong><em>Author's Note: <em>**Meh. This was _ruuushed_. More than last chapter even. I really tried to update as fast as possible but maybe I need to start taking my time. Quality over quantity, right? Sorry if the next update is longer than a week or two from now. Just a heads-up~ sigh. Anyways, is it as cold where you guys are as to where I am? In NYC, it's been _soooooo cold_. Below freezing everyday, real feel below zero. I feel like I'm going to lose a lot of fingers in this weather. But I'll still keep writing! I'll use my toes or my tongue if I have to! HASHTAG DEDICATION!

_**Author's Responses: **_Bruh, I am so peeved right now. I wrote out every single response for every new review (which there were _so many _of, thank you all _so much_) but then...my internet cut off. I had to reload the page and I lost every response. Ugh. I really wanted to reply to you guys...but re-writing every one would be so much work. Your reviews for last chapter were so awesome too. Ugh, curse me for being so lazy! I'll just make one response for everyone because I really feel grateful that you guys bothered to leave a review. Thank you, thank you, thank you, you wonderful human beings. This chapter was actually supposed to take longer to be posted but your words motivated me to get off my butt and do some work. To all the reviewers, favorite-ers, readers and followers (who's gonna be number 100, huh?)— THANK YOU! I'll reply to all of you next chapter! Definitely! I love you!

_chu~_


	5. Step by Step by TVXQ

**_Disclaimer_**— I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United Fandoms of Fanfiction. And to the lawyers for which law stands: one franchise, I'm under oath with a lack of invisibility...with...wait...— okay, I don't own Fairy Tail or any of the characters included in said anime-package. Please, don't sue me...

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><p><em>is this heaven, this place feels like an oven<em>

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.

Natsu felt stupid.

After having to run for a good ten minutes from the raging bull known as Erza, the pink-haired business man had practically dragged Lucy into a nearby janitor's closet. Although it had felt like the _dumbest _place to hide— with its insanely small proximity/poor oxygen distribution and all —Natsu knew it was either him literally breathing down Lucy's neck or a "holier than thou" Erza stopping him from breathing altogether.

Although neither of those lousy options were what Natsu would've liked to choose from, he was sure _living_ was the best way to go.

A few minutes had passed with the pair standing awkwardly against each other, Lucy pushed back to the wall and Natsu stuck between her and an old mop bucket. As expected, the blonde was all for the forced contact, smiling dorkily whenever his hand accidentally brushed something of hers that he was sure he didn't want to identify. However, Natsu wasn't nearly as enthusiastic. Especially when he realized he hadn't even clocked in for work.

Oh, his precious pay.

But none of this was what had made the boy feel "stupid".

No, no. It was the sudden, really useless and random, flashback to his crappy teenage years that had brought on his sudden need to smash his head into a wall.

7th heaven was what they called the game. A group of hormonal kids at a party would gather around each other, spin a bottle and decide based on where the nozzle pointed who would get stuffed into a closet with a total stranger. There, the pair would either have a hardcore make-out session or— there went that "god you're an idiot" feeling again —get to know each other.

When he had first slammed the closet door behind him, Natsu had humorlessly thought, _aah. This is like that old game. I guess now that means I have to ask Lucy about herself_. A second had to tick by before it sunk in that he knew absolutely **nothing** about Lucy. Not a thing!

Seriously?

Seriously!

This girl— who had somehow appeared in his house, wore his clothes, badgered him about food _she_ certainly wouldn't be paying for, made him sorta consider going into bestiality, ruined any of his chances at getting married or any chances of showing his face at work without having to hide in _closets_, and all around changed his entire life in just thirty hours or so— he knew not a single thing about. He did know her self-given name, but that definitely wasn't much considering how comfortable she seemed to be around him.

Yeah, so Natsu felt stupid.

"Um..." he began, twisting his neck so he could get a better look at Lucy. "mind using this fine time to tell me what on earth you are?" Was that really the best question he could come up with?

Yes. Yes it was.

Don't judge.

Lucy quirked an eyebrow, tilting her head to the side while her ears began to twitch. The old wool hat had been abandoned a few moments earlier when Natsu had been brooding over his lack of common sense and the temperature of the cramped closet began to bug her. She hummed, as if trying to come up with an answer that would make sense with her short vocabulary.

"Lucy is a cat."

"Really now?" Natsu huffed. "Then care to explain why you don't really look like one? Cats don't have boob—" he stopped himself, blushing and averting his eyes to a _very interesting _crack in a nearby wall.

"Science," she simply replied, smiling like that word alone had solved all of the world's mysteries and crimes.

Sadly, Natsu was just as lost and just as curious as before her incredibly vague answer was matter-of-factly announced. "You sure it wasn't magic? I can't really see how our modern day science could do..." he looked her up and down, from her ears to her now barely hidden tail— wait, where did her sweater go? "all this. It's impossible."

"Mavis did it."

More confusion.

"Who's Mavis?" was the obvious thing to ask.

Lucy quickly looked away, blinking at a mile a minute. Seeing as how she suddenly wanted to shut her mouth and remain silent (_so__mething she should've done a good hour ago_, his brain grumbled), Natsu decided to switch onto another question. "Why me?" he tried.

The stubborn belief that Gray was the master mind to give him the magical cat had long floated out of the window, his mind flashing back to when the older male had mentioned something about a porn magazine. Yeah, something like that seemed more Gray-gifty.

Typical.

But whatever. Now wasn't the time to think about that.

Natsu looked back down at Lucy, strangely uncomfortable with her silence. Although Natsu had thought his question would be quite easy to answer, it proved to be another thing Lucy didn't seem to want to go into.

Weird. Very weird.

And not mention unsettling.

He was ready to give up on the whole 7th heaven idea, ready to leave the stifling closet when Lucy suddenly whispered, her voice shaking, "to warn you. T-to protect you."

Her..._frightened _expression was enough to tell him to end the discussion.

After eventually leaving the closest and having Lucy explain to his co-workers who she really was (okay, no. That was a lie. Lucy was not his clingy dedicated-to-cosplaying third-cousin from another country— where "married" and "mistress" meant "related" and "family" —who was living with him for a while), she had remained suspiciously quiet.

_Honestly, _Natsu thought while absent-mindlessly flexing his muscles._ What could someone like me possibly need protection from?_

_omg wut_

Natsu always seemed to have to learn the hard way that Erza always spoke the truth. The woman never lied. Not once in her entire twenty-eight years did she mutter a single fib. If she ever caught herself about to tell anything but the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, she'd mentally threaten to stab herself— or so she had confessed to Cana who had gossiped to Macao who had blabbered to the entire office. Although the rumor had seemed a bit _much _at first, considering this was Erza, Natsu found himself believing it instantly.

It probably explained why Erza was so blunt, straight-to-the-point and all around rude. She never held back, her threats never just that: they were always _promises_. So when she had declared the office Natsu's new home for the week, he knew— oh boy, he knew —that he had better start setting up his desk-bed now.

Lucy watched him spread his coat and her sweater over his now empty desk, confused as to why they weren't leaving when it was so late at night. She had seen enough Forensic Files the night before to know that people usually worked from daytime until nighttime. Or at least that's what the Wife did before she came home to see the man she was married to cheat on her with his mistress. Then, the Wife would pull out a knife and swing for her husband's throat. One 911 call later, the Wife'd be in court, charged with attempted murder. It's how it had always worked.

Ah, but what had she been thinking about before she digressed? _Right_, it was nighttime. Why exactly were her and Natsu still huddled in his cubicle?

"So since you aren't exactly supposed to be here..." Natsu's voice snapped her out of her musings. She cleared her throat (something these people did a lot for some reason) when she realized he was speaking to her. "you're gonna have to find somewhere to sleep. I call dibs on the desk," he said, pointing to the makeshift bed he had poorly constructed.

Her eyebrows furrowed. "Lucy sleeps with Natsu." Like _duh _moron, was the kind of tone she used.

"_No_. Lucy does not sleep with Natsu tonight. Natsu needs as much room as Natsu—" he shook his head. God, when had he started talking in third-person? "as _he_ can get. Go find your own bed."

With pursed lips, Lucy ignored Natsu's command. She stayed rooted to her spot, even when he dismissively shrugged and plopped down onto his desk. He hissed when his back was met with nothing but pain, clearly forgetting how _not soft_ desks were, the idiot. Lucy would've laughed at him had she not been so frustrated with his current I-brought-Lucy-to-this-foreign-place-and-expect-her-to-know-what-to-do-without-me attitude. Didn't he know? Cats didn't sleep _alone_. They needed human skin to pry their claws into, human warmth to steal and human breathing to lull them asleep. Or at least that's what Lucy thought. Besides, she had no idea where to go in such a large office. What place was acceptable, what place was comfortable and really, what place felt the most _Natsu._

_Nowhere is like that_, she thought sadly, still watching as an oblivious Natsu made himself comfortable and closed his eyes for a good night's rest.

When she was ready to just sleep on the dirty, unwelcoming carpeted floor, an idea popped into her head. Her ears perked as a wide small nearly split her face in two. "If Natsu needs room, Lucy will give him room."

A bright light flashed behind Natsu's lids, forcing him to open his eyes to see what was going on. Though that action didn't exactly prove to be the smartest plan since the light had a mission to _burn his precious orbs out of their sockets_! Was Gray pulling another one of his lethal pranks again? Was Erza trying to bug him via her twisted methods of "purification"? No, that was impossible. He was sure Lucy, him and only a handful of other co-workers were left in the office. He was sure the latter party would never ignore work to mess with him. So what was— "owww!" —Natsu squeezed his eyes shut, hands thrown up to block the light from view.

For some reason, he couldn't help but feel a sense of déjà vu overcome him.

Seconds later, when he was sure things had gone back to normal, Natsu bravely peeking one eye open. He saw nothing out of the ordinary...which was anything _but_ ordinary considering he had almost just lost his eyesight. "W-wha..."

It was only when he looked down into the tiny space next to him on his desk-bed that he found the strange thing he was hoping to find.

"Meow~"

It was Luigi.

"Oh my god."

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(=･ω･=) **To Be Continued **(=･ω･=)

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><p><strong><em>Author's Note: <em>**FINALLY! After two weeks! I've updated. Sorry to keep you all waiting, but chapter five is finally here! And although it's kind of shorter than all of my other chapters, I hope it was enough to settle you guys down until next chapter. This one goes out to _Dark-Otaku-One-Of-Many_. Your PM was enough to drive me to this website and start working out my thumbs. Thank you! As always, stay tuned for chapter six and review if you wanna!

_**Author's Responses: **_I'm on my phone so it's pretty much impossible to see reviewer names/reviews while also writing this. TT_TT The tab will reload and there'll be so much stress involved in trying. So...again...I'm sorry I can't respond to you all. Uuuuugh. I swear— sweeeeeear —when I get a new tablet or fix my old computer, I will reply to all of you! Forgive me! I hope my immeasurable gratitude for reviewing will be enough to make up for not responding this time around. I love you all, sob-sob.

_chu~_


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